The other day, while at the gym with a good friend of mine, I so happened to ask him his thoughts on love and what it meant to him. My perspective of things as they stood were that I really haven’t figured it out yet what it is to love. Well he is different and has been in a relationship for 3yrs now and he seems happy enough.
My friend went on to explain to me that feeling you get when you see your significant other, how you want to just be with them and how incomplete your day is without them. For a moment, I really thought he was being silly with me but turns out he was dead serious. I did not want to argue with that, he had won. I briefly evaluated my life and concluded that the only thing I ever felt love for was money. That right there was a painful revelation to say the least.
Now before I am judged by this last part, I am a very traditionally raised African guy. Maybe some of you see this things that happen in the village on some Nat Geo documentaries, I actually lived that life so my perception of things sometimes just makes me look like a weirdo.
With that being said, let me try and explain my perspective. I don’t believe in love, I really don’t. The fairy tale that you meet a girl and she immediately drives you crazy and all you see is her in your current and future life doesn’t exist to me. If ever I get that feeling, it is lust and it dies faster than I can spell my name because the next one is always better. I simply find it impossible to understand that emotional connection called love.
When I was growing up, men were never in the house as much, kids were the responsibility of the mum and all men did was ensure that the family doesn’t go hungry, naked or uneducated; see, simple. This whole issues of romance was never there. Honestly, it took me almost a decade and a half to see my dad take my mum out. All I ever grew up knowing is as a man I am required to provide, and my woman is supposed to be my helper; my second in command-which wasn’t always true because to some extent the first born son somehow overshadowed the mother once he got circumcised.
I want to get married someday, but my conclusion on that matter is one that I have never found anyone to agree with. Since I do not believe in the kind of love the rest of humanity wants to believe in, I have the kind I believe in. I believe you need to find a person who’s crazy you can live with for the rest of your life. Everybody has their own crazy, you just need to find yourself the right kind that you can handle. That is the first step towards finding total happiness because you will walk home knowing what you can expect and what you don’t.
When I wake up in the morning, I don’t cuddle, ill simply go back to sleep and I can’t have that, the kind of women I date, crave for that. Also, I have a back condition, I can’t cuddle for more than 20min, which means any time we sleep, I get to sleep on my side of the bed and you on the other. I don’t like being in the house, makes me feel sick, I am a very outgoing person and I live for networking and closing the next deal or landing a new client. But despite all this, I care enough to buy you all the nice presents Pinterest suggests and take you to all the places I see and can afford in Google; I also call maybe twice and text like ten times a day. I will still wake up, make you amazing breakfast-thank you mom the lessons-and any other meal you may desire. I am not a good listener, but I pretend to be for your sake and I do a pretty good job making people smile, I can be silly.
My friend made me think that maybe I am not in that stage yet, maybe someday I will meet a person that will transform my life that way, but again, I don’t believe so I am not even waiting. I believe in finding a person that will make life bearable enough, and is willing to stick with me through my faults and failures so that someday we can travel the world, dinning expensive and looking at the family we raised and the accomplishments we made and saying, we made it!