What Not To Tell The One You Love

A widely held belief about love and marriage is that partners should be totally open and honest with each other. We think that it is a sign of trust and genuine sharing to hide nothing from the one we love. But surprisingly, many marriage therapists and other experts in human relationships doubt that it is genuinely loving, wise – or moral – to be totally honest. On the basis of clinical experience and psychological expertise, they say that at times there are certain thoughts and feelings that you should keep to yourself or even lie about, if you truly love your partner.

Do you know what – and what not – to tell the one you love? And when? Test your own wisdom about love and honesty by answering these questions. Then see the conclusions of the distinguished panel of experts.

  1. Mrs. A is 30 centimeters shorter than her husband. She says to him “I’ll bet you wish I were one of those tall girls with long, slim legs.” She’s right, but should he admit it?
  2. Mr. B eats too fast and talks with food in his mouth. This embarrasses his wife in company. Should she tell him?
  3. Mrs. C has little interest in sex. She believes this result from a naturally low sex drive, not from a physical or emotional problem. Sorrowfully, she says to her husband “I’m sure you wish you had married someone sexier.” It’s true, but what should he say?
  4. In front of friends, Mrs. D comments on Mr. D’s meekness in dealing with salesman, neighbours, and his boss. She has a point, but he’s humiliated and angry. Should he tell her?
  5. Mrs. E is bothered by Mr. E’s single-handed control of their money and his refusal to share any homemaking chores. She knows he’s not selfish but merely old-fashioned. Should she tell him how annoyed she is by his attitude?
  6. At the beach, watching the young singles, Mr. F feels envious; he wishes he were one of them. His wife says, “A penny for your thoughts.” Should he admit he misses his bachelor days?
  7. Mrs. G enjoys sex with her husband only when she closes her eyes and imagines that he’s her favourite film actor. She feels ashamed about doing so. Should she tell him?
  8. Mr. H has a brief secret affair. It’s over, but he remains deeply guilt-ridden. He longs to tell his wife all and ask her forgiveness. Should he do so?
  9. Miss I and Mr. J are planning to marry. She never told him that in her teens she had an abortion. Should she tell him now?
  10. Mr. K has never revealed to his fiancée, Miss L, that in his teens he had a homosexual relationship that lasted several months. He is oppressed by guilt at not having told her. What should he do?
  11. Mr. M, a widower, has asked Mrs. N, a divorcee, to marry him. In a moment of great intimacy she whispers, “Do you love me as much as you loved her?” He doesn’t. Should he lie?
  12. Mrs. O has inoperable cancer and will probably die within the years. Mr. O is extremely depressed at the prospect of life without her and finds it painful to keep these feelings to himself. Should he unburden himself to her?

The modern view holds that there should be no secrets or lies between intimate partners. The panelists took the more complicated but common-sense position that the circumstances determine whether total honesty is wrong or right. Karl Scheibe pointed out that “fidelity to another person requires discretion, tact, protection, kindness, forbearance and sensitivity. These requirements are more complex than the simple principle of always telling ‘the truth’.” On the other hand, lies and secrets can easily create distance between partners. One must carefully weigh each case.Here’s how the panel applied these principles:

1. Mrs. A can’t do anything about the fact she’s short. For Mr. A to reveal his feelings would hurt her. Mr. A may have to elaborate the truth to meet his wife’s needs. Ray Fowler suggests an answer: “If I wanted someone like that, I’d have married someone like that. I didn’t I married you, and I love you as you are.” Several panelists said that Mr. A should stress the qualities in his wife that mean more to him than long legs.

2. Almost all the panelists agreed that Mrs. B should tell Mr. B how she feels about his eating habits. Several suggested that they’re faults he could correct, with good results for both of them. But as Ellen Berman pointed out, “The really tough part is how and when to tell. Not at an intimate, vulnerable moment. Not when the other person is already ‘down’. Not in middle of an ugly fight.” Robert Whitehurst stressed that “she should time it when he can handle it, when he’s feeling good about himself and the two of them.”

3, 4 and 5. In all three cases, the problem is one of a flaw in the relationship that might be corrected or compensated for. Mrs. C may be wrong that her sex drive is naturally low. Her husband ought to tell her how he feels and suggest that they seek professional help. Her sex drive might be increased or, as Albert Ellis noted, she might discover that “she could more enthusiastically and adeptly try various sex acts that will give both of them more pleasure.” But Ellis warned that telling such a truth is a good idea only if the wife is rational and realistic: “If she’s a strong self-blamer, he had better keep quiet.”

Nearly all panelists agreed that Mr. D should tell his wife how her public criticism makes him feel, though carefully choosing how and when he does so. Angrily expressing resentment often yields only a pitched battle.

Mrs. E may get her husband to relax – and share – his control of the family finances if she tells him how she feels without making it an all-out attack. As for getting him to lend a hand with household chores, Evelyn Duvall commented: “She should suggest one simple task she would like him to do, then express her appreciation for his help.” And take it from there.

6. The panel disagreed on this one. Several said that it was fine for Mr. F to have private thoughts about being a young single as long as they didn’t affect his wife’s well-being or his feelings for her. There’s a difference between secrecy and privacy, and no matter how intimate two people are, each deserves some private space. Most of those who said Mr. F should tell the truth said he should do so in a harmless way. Marcia Lasswell’s suggestion: “He could say, ‘I wish I were eighteen again.’ ”

7. Mrs. G should not tell about her sexual fantasies. Frederick Humphrey commented: “Sexual fantasies of this kind are often devastating to the other partner. Let Mrs. G enjoy her fantasies – privately.”

8. most panelists said that Mr. H should either bear the burden of his guilt about his affair or seek professional help. It could be unwise and unfair to shift his burden on to his wife. Tilla Vahanian commented: “Although the truth is rarely as painful as the barrier created by secrets, if the only reason to the reveal something is to unburden oneself without regard to the impact on one’s mate – as in this case – staying quiet may be more responsible.” David Mace added: “The ethic of honesty must always be subservient to the ethic of love. Where the confession of sexual infidelity might be devastating to the partner, the unfaithful partner should discuss the matter with a counsellor who can help him or her decide whether to confess.”

9 and 10. In both cases, many panelists felt that the truth need not be told. But one panelist said that the secret of the homosexual experience might have some bearing if Mr. K still has homosexual yearnings. Then the truth should be told to avoid future problems.

11. Nearly all panelists felt that Mr. M should not tell. Mrs. N cannot change the situation, and the truth can only hurt her. Many said that Mr. M should say that his love for his wife was different from his love for Mrs. N and that there’s no way to compare them.

12. This may be the most difficult case of all. Most panelists felt that Mr. O should tell Mrs. O how he feels, but some felt strongly that he should not tell her the full extent of his misery. Said Marcia Lasswell: “He ought not add to her burden – but she’d think something was wrong if he showed no apprehension or sorrow.” Karl Scheibe was more emphatic: “He should do all in his power to make her last year as happy as possible. She’ll understand that he’ll be grieved. He needn’t make her share the full force of his pain.”

Summing up the question of what – and what not – to tell the one you love, Douglas and Lynelle Hale-Sprenkle said: “It is not so much a case of whether to be truthful, but when and how – and in what way to be most loving.”

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Let Love Do What Love Does Best – Let It Encourage

EVERYDAY actions of love, of giving yourself to others because you can, have the effect of encouragement; a gift freely given that is always deserved, for love is God’s will.

The effect of love is encouragement whether it’s a word, an action or a prayer.

Let love do what love does best – it encourages, by giving, pouring itself out, spending itself for the betterment of others. It lifts spirits in times where consolation is needed. It builds poignancy to inspired moments adding largeness to them. It acts to augment unity between souls. It makes everything better.

Love is healing through encouragement.

Let us not question the motive of love. Some might say it comes from insecurity in you, and certainly that can be true. But as Jesus said, those who are not against Him are for Him (Mark 9:40), and there is never any harm done in love done as encouragement. So let grace abound! Why on earth would we interrogate the love that gives life? If it is given genuinely, and it will be discerned with shrewdness, it will be received, if the person receiving isn’t given to looking the gift horse in the mouth.

Love is genuine. It esteems itself as majesty and the intimacy it achieves always lifts souls within its touch. Love is its own gift, for the one who chooses to give what anyone can will receive even in the manner of their giving.

The love of encouragement is henceforth an obvious wisdom. Anyone who follows the Light of Life will light up lives.

True communities garner love. They nurture a culture of encouragement, one interaction at a time.

Living a Life of Loving-Kindness

We all tend to be so hard on ourselves. We hate when we slip and we end up slipping into a tirade of negative self-talk for days.

There are many ways that we can avoid such situations in our lives. Many times the physical situations are out of our control. Things happen! However, we can take steps to being as self-compassionate as possible so that what was a slip won’t turn into an inner war and rage.

Here are a few steps to live a life of loving kindness.

1. Be careful with the way you express anger

We are all so hard on ourselves. We expect perfection and never to fail. But this is so unrealistic. However, when you expect perfection, you get angry with yourself if you are not perfect.

To be at your best, it is of utmost importance that you cultivate compassion towards yourself. This can soften your heart and allow the odd slip up.

2. Don’t blame anybody

If we are angry, we usually blame someone else for our misfortunes or slip ups. Blame is something that is completely unnecessary. Instead of blaming, look at anger impartially. Act instead from your highest intentions. They are usually compassionate. Become mindful instead of blaming.

3. Try to cultivate gratefulness

Try and cultivate gratefulness with everything and everyone in your life. Our habitual tendency is to look past all the good things other have done for us and to instead focus on and replay every real and imagined slight. Finding time in your life to actively cultivate gratefulness is an important part of the practise of loving-kindness.

Gratefulness softens your heart and helps reduce your anger. Also, gratefulness seeds the soil to allow loving-kindness to grow naturally into joy and peace.

4. Choose Your Friends Wisely

Try not to choose to spend time with angry people. This can be very damaging to our own state of mind and it can serve to reinforce our own habit of anger. If instead you can help such people through your practise of loving-kindness, you should help them. Otherwise, when possible and appropriate, it is often best not to associate with them.

When people habitually indulge in anger, they destroy their opportunity to live in the peace and harmony. You need these two things to cultivate self-compassion for yourself and others.

5. Look at yourself honestly

Honest and mindful introspection is essential for truly integrating a life of loving-kindness. You must be willing to look at yourself, at your own motivations-especially when you experience anger and greed.

Make sure you ask yourself if you are acting selfishly. We all have a tendency to have a deep and unexamined belief that things should go the way we want them to and we get angry when they don’t. But most times, these feelings are selfish where we only take our own views and issues to heart.

By taking these steps, you will be striving to life a life of loving kindness. What a blessing such a life is!

In Love, But Not With Me

Do you dare crave what you cannot have? How do you deter dreams of someone that keeps visiting your heart? No matter how hard you try to resist them it only makes you love them more. Not seeing them is like mourning a death. Leaving you feeling empty and struggling to bounce back. Surely they will love you the same someday. But what if they don’t? No promises have been exchanged between you but hope isn’t relinquished. You want them so much that you wish you could suck up every hour of their day. When they demand their space you wish you could cry foul but honestly they never led you on. You do whatever it takes to keep them in your presence trying to encourage love from someone that considers you just a friend. You are not winning the battle to obtain their heart because it was never an option. How is it that someone can be just perfect for another but they will never find that out? Trying to close the door on one-sided love is a powerful feat to overcome. It can turn you into an emotional mess.

The mind is tricky and has a tendency to make us believe that everything the person we love do is exceptional. Everything they do is blown up on a monumental level. No one can talk you out of the fact that they are just ordinary people doing ordinary things. Nothing more, nothing less.

Love is the highlight of most people’s life. So how in the world could it let two people that should be together down? Blind folding them so they will never get a chance to see how beautiful a relationship between them could be. Instead the one that has so much to lose emotionally is left with a tear stained pillow whispering in the wee hours of the night about their loved and lost story. Obviously in time the deep felt heartache will lessen. But that’s no consolation when you’re going through the storm. Love is hard to give up on. But sometimes you have to wave the white flag when hope has become dismal.

Facing facts is sometimes brutal, but denial will only hold you prisoner. If there’s no indication that love is in the equation stop crying over self imposed pain. People don’t choose love, love chooses them. Just because you can see a happily ever after doesn’t someone else can see the same vision. We all wish we can end up with the one that floats our boat, but the chance of that happening could be slim to none. The sensible thing to do would be to recognize a no win situation and put that time and energy into someone that has your best interest at heart. So please don’t hold your heart hostage set it free. Never sit around waiting on someone that never asked you to. Love must be mutual or it will not work. Unfortunately people down through the years have sadly confessed, “I was in love with them, but they weren’t with me.”

He’ll Look at You Differently If You Do This

Do you feel like you need to look a certain way in order to attract the right man for you – or get more attention from your current man?

You may believe that most men – especially the good looking and successful ones – only want women who look like runway models and don’t want to settle for a woman who is considered average looking.

And you’re so not alone. Millions of women think they don’t fit their country’s beauty standards.

As a woman who used to only see her flaws in the mirror, I say I hear and feel you darling.

And I’m also here to give you the good news: It’s not true.

However here is what’s true: If you deep down believe that you are not pretty enough, thin enough, tall enough, you’ll often end up attracting people who would think the same about you.

You really don’t need to be so hard and critical on the way you look anymore in order to have a man to love the way you look.

Here is what helped me and can turn things around for you too:

Celebrate what’s unique about you

Although it’s okay to notice that another woman is very beautiful, comparing yourself to her is like expecting two flowers to look the same. A Lily and a Rose look so different, yet they are both so lovely in their own way. It’s ridiculous to expect them to look the same for them to be considered as beautiful.

Also don’t forget that someone might find a rose much more desirable than a Lily, while another feels the opposite.

When you truly embrace this and start viewing things this way, you begin to exude self-love and acceptance of a high confidence woman.

And as a result, the right man who are loving and appreciative of your unique beauty will take notice.

I certainly am not a size 2 and don’t fit into society standard of beauty, yet I frequently have high quality men notice me; and I never get tired of hearing my fiancé telling me how beautiful he thinks I am.

You have heard it often enough that confidence is key, and it’s so true. A woman whom in her core feels confident, talks, walks, and carries herself differently. There’s just something alluring about her, even if she doesn’t have the perfect nose, and her arms and thighs aren’t toned.

To men there is something so magnetic about a woman who simply does not care about what a man or anyone thinks about how she looks. And she draws the attention of men like bees to honey.

So from now on, start celebrating and appreciating what’s unique about you. Is it your eyes? Your hair? Your nails? Focus on your favorite features, be thankful for them, and smile in confidence that there is only one of you. And your man will love and adore every part of you, if you fully embrace your unique beautiful self.

Should You Wait to Express Your Love for Valentine’s Day?

Just imagine, you are in the middle of the year, say June and you have fallen in love with a close friend or a colleague. Wouldn’t you wish that June was February and race through the timeline of your life to reach the special day?

Well, do you believe in falling in love with the same person umpteen number of times?

That’s really a great feeling, after all. Love sprouts from the depths of your heart, can you restrict it in terms of time, date and the formalities of a calendar? Well, 14th February is just another date that comes with a sweet message-love him or love her.

Welcome to the sweet sensations that tinkle your emotions. Love does not call for a special day or a long-awaited date. It is a process, a timeless process that lives on spontaneity and mutual trust. In reality, you need not wait for the Valentine’s Day to come down the calendar and provide you with the all-important moment to propose him or her. Yes, it is a day to celebrate your love, have a close time and fall in love just once again! But you need not wait for the day to express your love.

Valentine’s Day provides us with social pleasure. When it comes to true love, time escapes fast! Never make the mistake of delaying your expressions. By the time 14th February comes creeping at your doorstep, it may be too late or your partner may have changed the channels. Maybe he or she will be reserved for the rest of the life!

Although people all over the world have grand plans for celebrating this day, these are all formalities of love. When you feel the love erupting from the core of your heart, feel free to express it to your partner. After all, love is not a by-product of life, meant to be served on an auspicious day in a palatable manner.

Well, celebrating your love once in a year might give your partner a different feeling. It’s just like waking up in the middle of a slumber and falling asleep for another year. Do you wake up to love him or her for just one day in a year?

Well, your partner may want you to propose him or her on that day. So, even if you have expressed your love earlier, make your partner feel the warmth. Tell him or her how deeply you love her and cherish the memories you have in snapshots. You may visit the same place where you first met or proposed him or her. Enjoy the old nostalgia in a new way and feel the warmth of love on valentine’s day.

To be simple and clear, if you love someone, be straight and outright. Do not waste your precious time waiting for the day to come. If you love truly, you can make a Valentine’s Day out every day in a year. In turn, you can reserve 14th February for a special date without any planning. Let it be the day for an unplanned outing by default.

Love Through Time

“He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began.” -Leo Tolstoy.

I agree that most things said about love are true. Whether by writer or doctor, artist or lawyer, beloved or not… Everything is true; at least, for someone.

After all, we all have different perspectives and beliefs.

When talking about love there is no exception, if anything; love is the one thing that is as vast as the world itself, as the ocean and the air, the atmosphere and beyond.

But what causes love? Does the cause-effect phenomenon apply to it too? Could it be that love is the cause for love itself?

But then, it doesn’t make any sense to try to detect which one is the cause and which one the effect since you can’t know when or where one begins and one ends. It doesn’t make any sense to try to figure out how to find it if it’s what you have.

If you give it, it’s because you have it.

But you have it because you give it… or you give it because you have it?

Maybe that’s the magic about love. It’s never-ending.

It’s like the sea stretching through the horizon. The water melts with the sky at the sunrise and at the sunset. You can’t know for sure where the water ends and the sky begins. The sun is the only factor that can tell you where you stand, at the set or the rise.

“We picture love as heart-shaped because we do not know the shape of the soul.” -Robert Brault.

True or false?

I pick true.

What does a soul look like? Does it have a shape for instance? And the heart? Who says love comes from the heart? And who says the mind is in the brain? Science doesn’t. Aren’t people always whining about anything that science doesn’t state is not true?

Nervous impulses come from the brain, and blood comes from the heart, that we are sure of. But love? Where do feelings come from?

I suppose imagining love like a heart is the closest thing we can do to shape it.

But what if it came from all of ourselves? What if it was in every part of our being, of our body, in every cell? And what if it was the same with our mind and with our soul? Or better yet, what if all those things expanded even beyond our bodies, what if they were limitless and without an end?

What if?

And then I wonder, why do human beings always need to shape things? To give them a form we can understand?

One thing is clear to me.

We are awfully scared of even having the idea of something we don’t understand, something shapeless, something we still have got to learn, something we don’t really know the answer to that we choose to give those unknown things some shape that we can relate to the way we see the world. And yet, giving something a particular shape won’t always make us understand it and that’s where fear steps in and fear leads to hate, more often than not.

Maybe that’s why we need to have an explanation for everything.

Maybe that’s why we shape love. And God. And evil. And, truth be told, every little thing that comes into our lives that we don’t understand.

We just have to give everything an explanation always, right?

And again I prove the point that men fear what they do not understand.

We always have, I only hope that we won’t always will.

I wonder what happens when someone fearless comes around? Maybe they got it best. Maybe they’re the ones who get to actually understand life in the end and to live it fully.

But then again, you don’t really have to be fearless. You just have to be brave.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” -Ambrose Redmoon.

I think we should all remember that next time we’re afraid of something, and for most people, that is every day.

But being afraid doesn’t mean we’re not brave.

I think each of us decides who we want to be, the hero or the coward.

As with everything in life, it’s our choice.

“A bell is no bell ’til you ring it,

A song is no song ’til you sing it,

And love in your heart

Wasn’t put there to stay

Love isn’t love

‘Til you give it away.”

-Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, “You Are Sixteen (Reprise)”


What can you do with love if you have it but to give it away? If you make your heart a cage for love to stay it will only fade away. But if you set it free to fly and to be, then it will always return to you, stronger and lovelier.

If you don’t believe it… try it.

See for yourself… But there’s a little trick… the secret of life.

Turns out 20/20 vision isn’t really that useful, so I’ve heard and so I’ve learned…

“And now here’s my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.

That I know to be true.

When have your eyes warned you about falling? Maybe lots of times but… When have your eyes warned you, prevent you from falling in love?

Your eyes can tell you: Hey, watch out! There’s a hole in the ground! Don’t fall!

But I’ve never known someone whose eyes can actually say: Hey, dude! Be careful! There’s love! Don’t get near it or you will fall really hard!

No. If anything, you might think it is not such a good idea. Maybe because you’ve been hurt before so you are really trying to take more precautions from now on. Maybe you actually think it is better to shut every part of yourself to other people, including your heart, especially your heart, so that you won’t feel pain.

But then, you will surely miss out on many things in life because, believe it or not, your eyes can’t possibly be right of what they’re seeing since they only see the surface.

It’s like the ocean, again. You can see the surface. You can see the water and the waves. You can avoid the waves from hitting you by not standing too close. You can sigh at the wonderful sight of the dark water sparkling with the reflection of the silver moon in the night and marvel at the beautiful colors the water takes when the sun sets or rises. That’s true.

You can see many wonders and avoid many dangers by keeping a safe distance from the ocean. But, if so, you will never really know what is happening below the surface, where it matters the most. How is life developing down there? What’s moving and what is stirring? What magnificent sights and experiences may be waiting for you underwater? You can’t know unless you dive in.

It’s the same with love and we’re curious enough to dive in. I promise that. At least, once in a while.

“You don’t have to go looking for love when it’s where you come from.”

-Werner Erhard.

Exactly. That’s it. You come from love, believe it or not. But may I tell you something? You live happier believing you do.

And whatever you believe in, will become true.

If you believe it all the way through and through, it will come true. At least for you.

And really, who else do you need it to believe it?

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” -Tom Robbins.


The one thing that everyone can see, the one thing that is clear to everyone’s eyes is that everyone is looking for love.

Everyone does, at some point in our lives, at least, once in every lifetime.

But something’s wrong because even though everybody is searching it seems that nobody is finding it. They look and look and look and then… They keep looking. Some think they’ve found it but then they hurt cause it turns out it really wasn’t what they thought it would or should be. Some give up and decide they are better off alone. Some continue their never-ending search but they’re faithless. Others are faithful… So they keep searching and searching…

But do they find?

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. -Buddha.

I believe it’s the same with love.

Have you ever thought that the simple action of looking for love in your life implies that you don’t have it? Because if you have something already, why go looking for it? Have you ever wondered how your life would be if you turned things around?

How would your life change if instead of thinking that you need to have something, do something or be with someone in order to be happy or loved… You started thinking that first you have to be happy and loving and then everything else will fall into place. What if it started first with a state of being? With something that comes from inside of us, instead of outside of us?

Wouldn’t it be much easier if we believed that everything we need we could find within? Then we could stop searching for love because then we would know that we already have it.

The secret… The truth? The reason why it seems love is running out on planet Earth? Is it because there are no more decent men and women left on this planet? Is it because nobody is worth the while? Is it true that trusting is just for the fools?

We all look for love, we all search for it…

Why is love so hard to find?

And the truth is…

Being a searcher is not so useful.

Being a searcher is not the path, not the fastest anyway, and that’s because of this simple reason…

Being a searcher of love doesn’t help because EVERYONE IS SEARCHING FOR IT. EVERYONE.

Everyone is searching. Then, as a result, there’s nobody left to find because they are searching too. Everyone is searching for it… there are so many searching! The world is crowded with searchers, crowded with people who think they are lacking love in their lives because they fail to find it within; and since the world doesn’t need any more of those…

Then why not being the prize instead? The treasure? The love?

Why not being the one to find?

Do not attempt to win the prize, BE the prize.

That’s my answer. Be the ones they get to find not the ones that get to search. Be all you want to find in another. Be loving, be kind, be courageous, be fun and funny, be interesting, be generous, be happy, be love. Be the one who loves and you will be loved back.

Learning to Love Her Anyway

We all want to cherish that special person in our life whom we hold close to our heart. Practically, this idea runs into many problems because of individual differences make agreement difficult.

You are two different people with different views of the world. To live together harmoniously, you should create a shared dream that is important to both of you. It could be buying a house together or celebrating your twentieth anniversary together. These beautiful dreams will help you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

1. Love the minor differences

No two people are exactly alike-even those besotted with each other. Big or small, differences are likely to creep up from the unlikeliest of places. If you want to love her unconditionally, you will need to care for her in spite of the differences. Remember, differences occur not due to someone’s fault, but due to the fact that you are two individuals. Do not try to change her, but try to move ahead with a better understanding of each other.

2. Don’t take things personally

There are times when certain aspects of your personality come into sharp focus. Maybe you are a loner and her highly sociable lifestyle throws your limited social circle right back at you. Constantly. Do not develop a complex about these things. Instead of taking them personally, view these things in perspective. She has her life and you need to love her for her personality – it should happen the other way round as well.

3. Set rules

Setting rules is a great way to make your expectations more explicit. Rather than springing up surprises and causing the other person to feel uncomfortable, it can help if both of you know what to expect from each other in specific circumstances. You can set rules for interacting in public or with each other’s friends and parents, managing expenses, and so on. This will reduce disagreements and make it easy to build a relationship.

4. Forgive

If you want to love her unconditionally, you will have to learn to forgive, even when your mind feels like a pressure cooker or your heart is bleeding. Just forgive. In the end, nothing is worth hurting someone with your words. You can always return to the matter after both of you have distanced yourself from it to decide what went wrong. Once you have done that, simply put it to rest for good.

5. Don’t make everything your problem

Many people feel very responsible and protective towards their partners. While this is a good thing, it can often lead to an unbalanced relationship. Everybody has problems, and your girlfriend will have hers. Trust her to solve her problems on her own. If she needs your help, she will let you know. Until then, you should simply stay away but let her know you are always ready to help.

To love someone anyways is about valuing him or her as a complete person, not as an idealized image you have in your mind. Realizing that you are a person with a vibrant personality can be one of the most enriching aspects of your life.

They say happy couples live longer and happier lives. Strong and enduring relationships do not exist just in the movies. Like millions of real couples, you too can develop a rich relationship with your partner. Share this article to help others take responsibility for their relationships and care for their partners in an enlightened way. Subscribe to our blogs to receive regular updates about interesting articles to improve your relationships and lead a more satisfied life.

Love Right Now

Living right now means that you forget the past and you forget the future. Concentrate on what you can do right in this moment to improve your relationship. That could mean just sitting down to talk. See how your significant other is feeling. Hold hands and look at each other when you are speaking. The touch is such an important part of a relationship. The connection of the eyes is even more important. That is where you can see each other more deeply. I am not talking about just the physical form, but the spirit.

When you love in this moment there are no words that will describe what the feeling is. Love is the only word that will ever matter. It becomes such that you love each moment that you have a chance to be with the people you love. There are no more what ifs, ands or buts about it. A beautiful thought will overcome your mind that this is the exact moment that you have been looking for. Many people will dream of this love but only a few will ever understand.

Each time people that we care about have conflict we jump to conclusions. Sometimes we are correct and sometimes it has nothing to do with what we are thinking. The first thing to do at this point is to listen with your heart. Be silent. Let them tell you the story that is on their mind. This will open you up to a whole new set of conversation to have. By listening you are letting them know that they are important in your world. The world that you share will become a brighter place the more you can listen to the whole story. A lot of times after the story is told there isn’t anything to say other than I love you.

Is love enough to help your relationship? The longer we live the more we come to realize that we can love and yet something is missing. No one can always answer what that something is. What we can do right now about it is love with our whole heart. Listen with our whole heart. Make every day special by showing your significant other the love that they deserve.

One exercise that you can do to improve any relationship is to look at the other person. Only see the person as perfect as they are. They must be doing everything they are currently doing to be who they are. If they were going to change in any way that change must come within their own hearts and minds. It is up to each of us to live as we are. Be as we are. As time passes we will begin to see and experience new events that allow our true selves to become more of who we want to be. The person you have chosen to be with is exactly perfect as they are. Love them in that way.

Loving My Somali Neighbour

SCHOOL is a learning place. We know that. But a place where parents learn? Yes, I say, from my own experience.

One of the great things about our son’s school is his class is so diverse in its ethnicity. Only a few other Caucasian kids. There’s a blend of different cultures, including a few of Muslim faith. Now, in terms of other faiths, I’m a little sheltered. I’ve not previously had much exposure to the people of Islam, though I’ve learned a lot more about Islam in the past year or so. I remain curious in order to know my neighbour better.

My son and I arrived at school early on a recent sunny day and I met Abram (not his real name) whose son is in my son’s class. Being in Kindergarten they’re friends, of course. Four and five-year-olds have not yet come across the diversities of divisiveness in schoolyard politicking.

Well, off our sons run into the playground leaving that awkwardness that exists between fathers who’ve never encountered each other in such proximity. It’s not unusual for me to make the move, so I did. And, so we chatted for a solid five minutes. We learned about each other – what we both do for work, family structures, and the philosophies we’ve developed over our years.

It was only having encountered Abram that God showed me some new things about him, and therefore about me. Firstly, as we spent time face-to-face, I got to look at his face and into his eyes long enough to notice he was not as old as I’d first imagined him. (Getting to know people is a perception shifter.) Secondly, in his Somali accent I was reminded of the language barrier that exists between us – I just didn’t hear or understand all he was talking about, although, for continuity purposes I made out that I did understand, trusting in the overall thrust of the conversation. This was a reminder to me of my disability – my lack of linguistic and listening ability. Thirdly, it was clear to me that this man before me had insight I did not have. Before we met I had been forced to make assumptions about what kind of person he was. That’s an admission of my humanness. God was reminding me of my propensity for judging everything I perceive, including those made in His image.

I have deduced the following:

Genuine community is always about embracing diversity between different ones, beginning at root in the ‘two of us’.

Judgments are challenged and often overturned when we encounter reality, and that is always a healthy thing.

To look into another human being’s face is a reminder of our innate sameness, no matter how cultures separate us.

Community makes us better, for it’s only when we come together that our different gifts can merge into a stronger force for good.