Loving Or Getting Love – Changing Your Life Orientation

When I was young I did not have many friends. I had enough friends, just not many of them. For many years, I secretly wished to have more friends, to be more popular, to have more people like me. But that was when I “thought like a child, reasoned like a child” (1 Corinthians 13:11). Fortunately, I grew up. Like the Apostle Paul testified, “I became a man and put childish ways behind me” (IBID).

Not everyone does grow up, you know; some just grow older. Aging is imposed; maturity is a choice. When I became a man – a Christian man at that, I began to actually mature. I began to follow One who called me “friend,” and the path we have walked is one leading to maturity. We are still walking; I am still maturing. I have not arrived! Still, something happened along the way, something of profound importance happened to me.

As profound as it was, I cannot tell you when it happened. I suppose it happened while my eyes were “fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith” (Hebrews 12:2). Somehow, somewhere, sometime along the way my orientation to life changed. I ceased seeing myself at the center of the universe with everything revolving around me, and everything being about me. Walking further with Christ, I eventually came to realize that neither others nor even the “center of the universe” was the true Center. Rather, the One who made the universe was the legitimate center, the rightful focus of my life, of our lives.

As I lived this way, I ceased trying to have friends. I began to earnestly try to be a friend. I stopped hoping to gain more friends numerically; I began to try to deepen friendships I had. That is, I began to care more deeply about others, or stated differently – to love others better.

In my immaturity, my orientation was completely self-centered. My concern was, “how well am I being loved?”. Even more deeply I worried that I might never be loved as deeply as I desired. As maturity has grown in me, however, I have been motivated by this concern, “How well am I loving?”. And sometimes in quite meditation before my Master, I wonder if I will ever love as deeply as I ought. And He has assured me that “He will carry to completion this work He has begun in me” (Philippians 1:6).

Many years ago God caused me to pause a moment and look around at my life. He wanted me to see something in particular. I saw lots of friends, people I really cared for and who genuinely cared about me. It was amazing the first time I saw it; I have marveled at the sight many times since. As enjoyable as that experience is, it is not my normal orientation to look at that. As faithfully as I can, I am living from the inside out, engaging the world before me, not living as one staring in a mirror to see myself (where you might even be in that reflection, too).

I would not want to leave the impression that being grounded in God’s love for me, living with a passion to be a friend, to really love others, has made me immune to rejection or hurt in relationships with people. It has not. It has, however, made these experiences bearable, and the worst of these thus far, survivable. Neither would I want to leave the impression that I never return to the self-focused life. I have many times. But this I know, that is not the way I was made to live. By the grace of God, I have continued to come to my senses and live in harmony with God and His plan for my life – a God-centered life.

Nowhere in the Bible have I found the command to go out and get love or to find someone to love me. It tells us we are loved by the One who matters most; and then, it tells us to go love others. According to Jesus, the two greatest commandments, which He deemed inseparable, and which He proposed were an adequate summary of the Bible’s whole message, were these: we are to love the Lord God with all our being, and to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-40). This is not natural. We, by nature, operate exactly the opposite of this. God is not our starting point; our neighbors are. And we are not trying to love our neighbors; we are trying to get them to love us. Furthermore, until we see this – and see it as wrong – we cannot turn from it.

In the 800 or so words you just read, there is potential hope and direction for living your life well. Jesus did not intend to be a mere spiritual addition to our lives; He came to be our lives (see Colossians 3:2-4). Do you need to change that orientation? Do you need to seriously begin following Jesus, our Friend who sticks closer than a brother? He is still extending His grand invitation: “Come, follow Me!” Remember, please, it is a journey of maturity! Everything will change when you really follow.

Maybe Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough

Have you ever thought why you hate your work or feel a divorce is required or become a drug addict or alcoholic? Do you feel this way? Have you ever pondered about it at your root level? Could there be one unanimous big reason behind it all? Read on to find out.

The reason could be that love isn’t enough with your relationships, at your work or in the family. That is why you think of moving places, filing a divorce against your spouse or becoming a heavy smoker, drug addict or alcoholic.

Do your actions in search of the love you truly need help you? Maybe to some extent. What on the other hand could help you to a large extent and beyond? Have you ever thought or imagined? Any answer comes to your mind?

In my opinion there is one possible remedy behind it all. It’s so simple that it will amaze you.

The possible solution is: SIMPLY LOVE YOURSELF. Read that again. Did you get it right? Well, let me explain it a bit.

Do the work you love everyday and wake up excited everyday for it. Lose yourself completely in it. What better way is there to earn your living and enjoy it at the same time?

Do your favorite pastimes. Be busy. People will start to appreciate you.

Wear a smile on your face. Never scowl or be grumpy. People will start to like your company.

All these become possible for you when you start to love yourself more. Family, friends, relatives, colleagues and even strangers will be awesome nice to you and you will earn all the love you need.

You don’t feel the need to move places because you don’t hate your work anymore. On the contrary, you have found the work you love and you don’t feel the need to move anywhere.

Your family is fine. There are no money struggles. Love abounds in your family.

You don’t have to be a heavy smoker, drug addict or alcoholic in order to forget your pain or tension that you have otherwise felt before. This is because you love yourself now and love around is enough for you.

Love is the most unknown and strongest vibrational energy on this planet. Without it, the earth cannot spin nor can you survive. So make sure you love yourself enough and then there will always be enough love around for you.

Rosina S Khan has authored this article, highlighting why you hate your work or your relationships suffer and she gives a simple remedy for it.

My Valentine

The man with whom I share my life, a home, a bed, the father of my children never ceases to amaze me.

At first we fell in love. In those days I was living in Kampen and he lived in Amsterdam. I was a sculptor and he a musician. Whenever I called him, regardless of the hour, the time was right and he was always pleased to hear my voice. That was a first for me! We did not live together back then so we didn’t see each other every day. That wasn’t easy for me and there were times when I would call my love to ask him to come over right away, and he would just do that!. He hopped into his car and came straight away. To me.

After a while we decided to start living together. We moved into a tiny apartment in Amsterdam. I had a workshop and he had a studio and everything worked out fine. But there were times when we had problems understanding each other. I would feel frightened and get angry, while my love stopped talking altogether when he felt afraid. That resulted in nasty rows, usually about the old well known phantoms of betrayal, lack of trust, loneliness, the delusion of not being able to do what you want to do, to form your own opinion, of not being allowed to be yourself. Ugly demons, tugging at your anchors, eating away the roots you need to grow, to keep a firm hold during a storm. Nowadays we are better able to identify those phantoms and the moment they choose to appear. We respond to the demon itself instead of the frightened, hurt loved one underneath. When we notice suffering we can look upon each other with kindness and that makes recognizing and solving the problem a lot easier.

Joost believes in dreams. Work is needed but dreams show the way. It is wonderful to be with someone who makes beautiful things and who keeps telling me anything is possible. All you have to do is find the right purchaser. He shows me the way, he’s been doing it for years. Jazz music is a rather obscure niche and to be able to sell your music to the public you have to be extremely good at it. That is something very few people accomplish. Joost shows me it is really feasible. How to achieve the same result in sculpting is not quite clear to me yet but I can confirm to find myself in the perfect surroundings to help me grow.

My love accomplishes amazing things. That is not always easy. And like any new creation, newly composed music is vulnerable and unprotected. He loves music, has mastered it completely and will never stop. He will never cease to be critical and makes high demands on himself when developing something new. So naturally I stand by his side to help him wherever I can. He is my tower of strength. He loves my eagerness, my involvement in the world around me, my zealotry, my never ending devotion to make the world a better place. I know myself supported at all times.

That’s what love is all about. Never a dull moment. Don’t stop and think everything is all right. We live our lives to the max, making plans, sculptures, music and try to improve the world in which we live. And it is a great deal simpler and more enjoyable doing that together!

Loving Yourself When Your Partner Is Needy

Are you an empathetic person who feels others’ pain and then takes responsibility for their feelings in an effort to alleviate their pain? Is it hard for you to feel others’ pain without trying to fix them?

Often, empathetic people become caretakers to try to alleviate others’ pain so they don’t have to feel that pain. And takers are generally very attracted to caretakers.

This is the situation with Tiffany:

“My husband lays his feelings at my feet often and in my own shame, I feel responsible for his feelings and will ‘pick them up’ most always, and abandon my little girl. When I do hold on to myself, and I don’t abandon my littler girl, my husband gets angry and manipulative and unkind because his tactics to get me to take care of his little boy are no longer working. It takes all I have to hang on to me, but sometimes I’m able. What is the best response to him when he turns ugly and unkind while I’m hanging on to me? How do I communicate that I’m working on loving myself and that he needs to back off and own his own feelings?”

Tiffany will feel shame and take responsibility for her husband’s feelings as long as she believes that she is responsible for his feelings. If she didn’t believe this, then she wouldn’t feel shame over not caretaking him. Her husband likely picks up her shame, which gives him the green light to pull on her to take care of his feelings.

The fact that her husband gets angry and manipulative and unkind when she doesn’t care-take him indicates that he is very stuck in his wounded self and unable to care about her at that time. His wounded self just wants what he wants, regardless of how this affects her.

Tiffany wants to know the best response when he turns ugly and unkind when she doesn’t care-take him. The first thing she needs to accept is that he won’t be able to hear anything she says to him. She needs to stop trying to communicate with him that he needs to back off and own his own feelings, because when he is stuck in his wounded self, he doesn’t care about her need to be loving to herself. The best thing she can do is lovingly disengage – walk away saying that she won’t engage with him until he is open and caring with her. If saying this will enflame him further, then she needs to walk away without saying anything, and perhaps send a prayer that he opens to learning.

The point is to fully accept that when someone is abandoning themselves and stuck in their wounded self, they are not in their rational mind and they are not capable of caring. There is nothing you can say or do to have control over getting them to open and care.

The more Tiffany accepts her lack of control over him, and the more devoted she is to loving herself rather than caretaking him, the better she will feel. Over time, as her husband gets that pulling on her to take care of his feelings and then getting angry, unkind and manipulative isn’t going to work, he might start to do his own inner work. Of course there is no guarantee of this, and we always take a chance on a relationship when we move out of caretaking and into loving ourselves, but, by taking this risk, we have a better chance of creating a loving relationship than continuing in a dysfunctional system. If Tiffany doesn’t devote herself to loving herself and keeps caretaking her husband, at some point she is likely to be done with the relationship. By loving herself, she gives the relationship a chance.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9663699

Are you an empathetic person who feels others’ pain and then takes responsibility for their feelings in an effort to alleviate their pain? Is it hard for you to feel others’ pain without trying to fix them?

Often, empathetic people become caretakers to try to alleviate others’ pain so they don’t have to feel that pain. And takers are generally very attracted to caretakers.

This is the situation with Tiffany:

“My husband lays his feelings at my feet often and in my own shame, I feel responsible for his feelings and will ‘pick them up’ most always, and abandon my little girl. When I do hold on to myself, and I don’t abandon my littler girl, my husband gets angry and manipulative and unkind because his tactics to get me to take care of his little boy are no longer working. It takes all I have to hang on to me, but sometimes I’m able. What is the best response to him when he turns ugly and unkind while I’m hanging on to me? How do I communicate that I’m working on loving myself and that he needs to back off and own his own feelings?”

Tiffany will feel shame and take responsibility for her husband’s feelings as long as she believes that she is responsible for his feelings. If she didn’t believe this, then she wouldn’t feel shame over not caretaking him. Her husband likely picks up her shame, which gives him the green light to pull on her to take care of his feelings.

The fact that her husband gets angry and manipulative and unkind when she doesn’t care-take him indicates that he is very stuck in his wounded self and unable to care about her at that time. His wounded self just wants what he wants, regardless of how this affects her.

Tiffany wants to know the best response when he turns ugly and unkind when she doesn’t care-take him. The first thing she needs to accept is that he won’t be able to hear anything she says to him. She needs to stop trying to communicate with him that he needs to back off and own his own feelings, because when he is stuck in his wounded self, he doesn’t care about her need to be loving to herself. The best thing she can do is lovingly disengage – walk away saying that she won’t engage with him until he is open and caring with her. If saying this will enflame him further, then she needs to walk away without saying anything, and perhaps send a prayer that he opens to learning.

The point is to fully accept that when someone is abandoning themselves and stuck in their wounded self, they are not in their rational mind and they are not capable of caring. There is nothing you can say or do to have control over getting them to open and care.

The more Tiffany accepts her lack of control over him, and the more devoted she is to loving herself rather than caretaking him, the better she will feel. Over time, as her husband gets that pulling on her to take care of his feelings and then getting angry, unkind and manipulative isn’t going to work, he might start to do his own inner work. Of course there is no guarantee of this, and we always take a chance on a relationship when we move out of caretaking and into loving ourselves, but, by taking this risk, we have a better chance of creating a loving relationship than continuing in a dysfunctional system. If Tiffany doesn’t devote herself to loving herself and keeps caretaking her husband, at some point she is likely to be done with the relationship. By loving herself, she gives the relationship a chance.

The Love Paradox

LOSS taught me love in a paradoxical reversal of fortunes. What was loss was gain. And it could be learned no other way. Like Jesus said, I had to lose my life to save it.

I learned more about love from loss than I could ever learn about love otherwise. What we would never ever ask for has nested within it, God’s irrevocable gift; a most remarkable compensation. In this case, an eternality of learning, upon which is tantamount to irony.

A perfect thing is to be expressed imperfectly. The more imperfect love is, the sincerer it is.

Can we progress far in the reality of (the spiritual) life without love?

Yet, it is a complete paradox. The way of perfection is best actuated imprecisely.

God is love. God is perfect. We are sinners. Yet, we are given to, and are able to, love.

It wasn’t until I accepted how flawed I was, recognising for the first time that the drive for perfectionism comes from fear, that I saw that even in imperfection, love is possible… and it’s enough.

So good is God that He made love, not for the perfect, but for the good. Anyone who’s intent on doing good can achieve it. And its genius is it is especially expressed through imperfection, for it is a uniquely human thing to do.

That’s right. In an imperfect world, and though it is, of itself, perfect, love is exemplified best through imperfection.

God’s grace imputes itself all over the human expression of love. The more imperfectly we love, the sincerer we are perceived. God has made love for a common and possible purpose. Everyone may love. Because everyone who can choose, can choose for love.

Love is perfect, but, the choice and action of being loving allows much for fallibility.

Thank God, that what He made perfect, love, may be best expressed imperfectly.

Loving Deeply

Loving deeply is how much love we put into that action. The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. It’s important to be patient. But what’s more important is You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It’s love for no reason, love without an object. To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.

People who love deeply know their own fears; their own demons. They are self-aware. They also have insecurities. And they have empathy. These people understand that there is no such thing as perfection. That we all have flaws and fears. We all have baggage. These are the people who have the capacity to love deeply. They can love you deeply because they know you deeply. It’s pretty rare. I know because I am.

People like me are highly sensitive to physical and emotional stimuli. Meaning, emphatic, intuitive and attuned. This makes them exceptional friends, partners and parents. However, loving deeply can also be a source of overwhelm.

Loving too much is wonderful; as if my whole being expands into unprecedented realms.However, emotions are harmful when they are excessive. Although it is difficult to define what constitutes excessiveness in love, characterizing love as “too much” implies that some damage has been done-either to the lover or the beloved.

It is possible to criticize someone’s intense love on the grounds that such intensity prevents him from seeing his partner’s faults or from recognizing that he could choose another partner who might make him happier and more satisfied in the longer run.

Needless to say, love should not be a mechanical calculation of what we give and get, but where there is a profound lack of reciprocity, it is natural to feel one is loving too much. Loving too much may also hurt the beloved.

At the very core of connection is ones ability to empathize. Good marriages and healthy families are all about connection. If a person is missing a solid sense of who they are they tend not to develop a real sense of self-awareness and may feel they are either all bad or all good. Many things can disrupt this bonding process.

Loving someone deeply requires taking the time to truly know them. However, why are there many broken marriages? Could it be that we hurry through love, rush relationships, and race through life in general because we are all too wounded to be willing to take the risk of loving someone deeply?

Loving too much is not good especially when you reach to the point of giving up everything for the sake of love. It is no longer healthy. So, BEWARE!

Loving Yourself When Your Partner Shuts You Out

What do you do when your partner shuts you out?

Do you know that being shut out and stonewalled is even more hurtful than being yelled at? Children would rather get yelled at or even hit than ignored. This is why the worst punishment for prisoners is solitary confinement.

Yet, along with overt anger, withdrawal is the most common form of controlling behavior in relationships. Just as the fear of anger keeps partners from addressing issues, so does the fear of a partner’s withdrawal.

Loretta is struggling with this issue.

“I’m in a two year relationship. My main problem is how can I raise an issue without him turning his back on me and walking away? I have to follow him to get my feeling across only to have him ignore me. He says I am never happy with what he does and feels frustrated that he can’t make me happy. The ignoring makes me feel unloved and rejected. I have told him how it makes me feel but he still does it.”

There are a number of issues here that need to be addressed. Loretta is using her feelings to make her partner responsible for her. She wants to tell him her feeling rather than open to learning with him about herself and about him. Her partner feels responsible for her happiness, and since he can’t take responsibility for her happiness – we have to take responsibility for our own happiness – he feels frustrated and walks away. Loretta follows him, trying to have control over him listening to her, believing that if only he would listen and understand, he would change. It’s easy for her to believe that the only reason she feels unloved and rejected is because he shuts her out, but she also feels unloved and rejected because she is abandoning herself by making him responsible for her feelings.

This is a very typical relationship system: Loretta is telling her feelings as a form of control and her partner is walking away as a form of control. Neither is open to learning.

What Loretta needs to do is practice inner work and learn to love herself so that she stops trying to control and instead is able to open to learning with her partner.

Linda has the same issue with her husband:

“When something happens where I get upset as a result of an action my husband did, my husband shuts down. He distances. This can go on for days. So it’s as if he gets shut down because I got upset at him. But it continues even after I calm down and even apologize for getting upset or explaining what it was like for me. When I ask if there is something he wants to discuss he says no. Is anything bothering you? No. What can I do? I know I need to give him time but I can’t tolerate the coldness and wall between us.”

Again, Linda is abandoning herself rather than loving herself. She isn’t accepting that getting upset with her husband hurts him as much as his distance hurts her, and he doesn’t know how to compassionately manage his pain any more than she does. Linda can shift their dysfunctional system by learning to love herself and take responsibility for her own upset – and then approach her husband with an intent to learn. Her husband could also learn to lovingly manage his pain rather than shut down. But since Linda is the one who wrote to me, she is the one I would address.

Loving yourself when your partner shuts down means:

  1. Practice the inner work healing process, learning to take responsibility for your upsetting feelings so that you don’t approach your partner with blame for your feelings.
  2. Love yourself by being very compassionate with your pain when your partner withdraws.
  3. Approach the issue only after you are no longer upset, so that you can be open to learning about yourself and your partner.
  4. If you partner isn’t open to exploring the issue, then love yourself by deciding for yourself how to take loving care of yourself regarding the conflict issue.

You may be very pleased with what happens in your relationship if you learn to love yourself and heal your end of this common relationship system!

Keys to Staying Connected in Your Relationship

“Marriage isn’t just about raising kids, splitting chores and making love. It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together – a culture rich with rituals, and an appreciation for your roles and goals that link you…” Gottman, 7 Principals of Making a Marriage Work

There are different elements that help build and support a shared meaning, all of which should be established and then built on over time. Read through each element and answer the questions after each section, making note of any thoughts that pop up you want to share with your lover.

Four Elements that Build a Shared Meaning and Purpose

Tip 1. Rituals of Connection
Tip 2. Shared Views
Tip 3. Shared Goals and Dreams
Tip 4. Shared Values

Tip 1. Rituals of Connection:

A ritual of connection refers to the small things you do as a couple or a family which build and strengthen the emotional and spiritual connections between you all.

Ask yourself these questions:
• How do you and your partner connect with each other?
• Have you developed your own family rituals?
This could be a special meal on the weekend such as a takeaway on a Saturday or Sunday roast or movie night every Friday.
• In what unique ways do you celebrate religious holidays?
• Do you have a ritual for love making?
• Do you dedicate a day or night per week for family or romance?

Many couples find love and connection flourishes when they have an intimate ritual to look forward to. The key here is to find something that you do together regularly that you can look forward to.

Answer the above questions and think about the rituals of connection you have: do they work for you? Could you improve them to increase your connection or create some new ones?

Tip 2. Shared Views:

Support for Each Other’s Roles
When couples come to me a lot of the problems stem from the fall out of what they think their partner “should” be doing versus what they are actually doing. I often hear: “As a husband… ” he “should” be doing this, fixing that, paying for this or giving me that. Similarly I hear it the other way round too: “A wife “should” look after the home, stay in with the family and contribute to the finances.” The problem stems from the fact that these assumed roles are often never discussed so each person develops their own views on situations without taking the time to understand the perspective of their partner. This where resentment builds. The happiest couples agree on the roles they define for themselves and support each other with them. This is crucial as it helps to build a shared meaning.

Family and Parenting
Having similar views on parenting also adds to a strong sense of shared meaning, so does your views on the level of interaction you expect to have with your parents, siblings and cousins. For example, do you both consider extended family part of your daily family life or do you prefer distance and more of a nuclear family?

Work and Career
Even the views on what it means to work and the significance of work in your life is important to discuss. How much work is part of your life can be disputed, potentially causing friction, so having a shared outlook is crucial. Where you can talk about its importance in your life and share your experiences. Some individuals I work with get jealous and annoyed at their spouses involvement with work and staying late or socializing with colleagues on the weekends and this can cause tension for some couples. Compared to couples who agree that work comes first and encourage each other to be the best they can possibly be. Which couple are you?

The extent to which you feel similar about these issues, the stronger your marriage and connection becomes. This doesn’t mean you need to agree on everything but often it’s the couples that are more closely aligned in their views and approaches that are happier and more fulfilled.

What views do you share when it comes to living out your life? Are there any expectations that are a cause of frustration for you that you have not communicated? Could you benefit from some more support when it comes to your roles, family or career?

Tip 3. Shared Goals and Dreams:

Part of what creates a meaningful life are the goals that we strive to achieve. Many of us wouldn’t be where we are today without setting goals and going for it. Without a direction we become aimless, lifeless even. Imagine a ship in the ocean that has no route to follow, directionless, it will float aimlessly and get nowhere. Marriages are the same. The goal of a relationship is not to get married and that’s it. As with any area of life whether that be work, fitness or hobbies, having the next goal in mind ensures your progression, sense of purpose and prevents you from stagnating. Your marriage should be no different – you need positive goals for your shared time together.

Too often we don’t talk about our deepest desires and sometimes we haven’t even asked ourselves about what we want for our relationship, as we’re too busy with life to notice. When we start to explore and define our shared goals we increase intimacy, meaning and purpose. When united by a goal, we can let arguments and differences go more easily.

What are some of your short-term and long-term goals for your marriage? List them and create some more joint ones.

Tip 4. Shared Values:

Like with shared views, having shared values also help marriages flourish.

Ask yourself these questions:

What do you value most about being a part of the family you belong to?
What family stories do you consider with pride?
What does home mean to you?
What activities or objects symbolize a meaningful and well-lived life to you?
What symbols or objects demonstrate who you are in the world?

Analyse what you and your spouse value most by answering these questions and list anything that comes up that matters to you most in life.

Now Create Your Shared Meaning

I have heard many different rituals, views, goals and values because every couple has their own story. Here are some shared meanings:

“to heal and have a peaceful existence” (after a difficult previous relationship and childhood)

“to create a family filled with laughter & love”

“to enjoy life to the max: travel, explore, adventure and excitement”

“to step into parents footsteps and care for the whole family and business”

“to give our children the best education and watch them flourish together”

“to have our dream home on the beach and retire (early) in luxury”

“to live God’s mission together, wherever that may lead us”

“to set up our own business and leave a legacy”

Above all, it’s important throughout your journey to remember one thing: this is your journey. I have offered examples of other couples shared meaning to show that every couple is different.

Share your dreams with your partner and list your one-, five- and ten-year goals and come up with some ideas for a shared meaning that is personal to you and your partner.

Nicola Beer – Relationship Expert and Founder of Save My Marriage Program
I specialise in a proven 10 step program to help couples increase the love, passion and happiness in their marriage in 30 days or less!
The program has saved hundreds of marriages… I guarantee it.

True Love Endures

Memory carries a lot of heartaches, disappointments and broken promises of which we could hardly let go. Sometimes we are the enemy of our own selves. We want to forget but war arises between our minds and our hearts. It is a struggle to survive day by day forgetting the pain. The more we push away the person who hurt us, the more we will be deeply wounded inside.

We give up but the gravity inside us pulls back that loving feeling. We tend to escape from reality giving ourselves the false hope. But in the morning when we wake up the pain is still there killing us like a double-bladed sword squeezing our hearts up to the last drop of blood.

At night, our beds feel like graveyards where darkness swallow us while we are lying to sleep. The silence of the night is deafening, no music to be heard but only the howling noise of broken heart like wolves waiting to devour us. We looked unblemished but perfectly dying to death.

Painful as it can be, we strive hard to let go. No matter how it hurts, we choose to forget. We force ourselves to find a new love, someone better, someone who could put back the broken pieces back in shape. After a while we realize time provides us an exit from the dungeon of disappointments and heartaches, then we feel brand new.

Yes, time heals all wounds but true love only forgets the pain. It remembers the joy and the love. It reminds us how we felt when we are still together. It brings back time and it conquers all heartaches. The memory of true love holds us still where time machines exist, bringing us to the time when we were deeply in love.

They say true love has the habit of coming back. It keeps coming back to the one we once loved. Because the memory of our true love never fades it lingers like music in our thoughts and feelings. It never goes away, though it gives itself a break but it never dies.

The repetition of falling in love with the same person is allowing ourselves to be broken again. We know that loving with this special someone is giving him/her the authority to hurt us. But we rather embrace the pain while loving… than to let go and bury the feeling. Because true love always returns, true love endures.

Dad’s Way To Celebrate Mom’s First Mother’s Day

With your wife’s first mother day around the corner, she deserves only the very best on her first Mother’s Day. To make this happen, you must have a game plan to surprise her with immense pleasure in a major way. After all, she has endured pregnancy, childbirth and countless sleepless night during her first year as a Mom. So, why not pamper her with something awesome that will make her happy.

Escape from Culinary

Breakfast in bed is a good idea to consider. We are not sure whether it is the breakfast or the fact that she gets to sleep more than usual in the morning. But serving yummy breakfast in bed is a good idea. A romantic dinner at home after the Baby is asleep will make her really happy.

Get Crafty

You do not need lot of time or imagination to come up with a genuine gift for your wife on her first Mother’s Day. A good photo frame with favourite picture of your wife and baby is a sweet gesture. Consider making a photo album with pictures of your new family.

Set-up Spa at Home

Being a new Mom is emotionally and physically very tiring. Help her to gradually relax and de-stress with relaxing massage at home, keeping in mind your wife’s physical and emotional needs. The key to an enjoyable massage is to use smooth and flowing strokes.

Make a Card

It may be a year or two until your child is drawing Mother’s Day cards. But that does not mean that your child cannot give card to his Mom. Buy a Mother’s Day card from a store and write a message as if it is coming from your Baby.

Give Gift Sleep

Mom wants sleep more than anything. So, why not give her much needed and uninterrupted snooze time?

Gifts

It is not always true that best gifts cost considerable sum of money. But if you want to invest in a splurge-worthy gift, then take some time to think about what would hold meaning for her, and her only. Whatever the gift is, the most important thing is that you put your thought into it.

Mother’s Day Playlist

Mothers have been the subject of many songs. Prepare a playlist which is full of songs that represent your wife’s new life as a mama so she can chill out with headphones on while you babysit your little one.

Day of Pampering

There is a possibility that your busy new mama probably has not had time to spoil herself much ever since giving birth. So, send her to her favourite salon or spa where she can enjoy a blowdry, mani/pedi or all facial. Or promise to arrange a babysitter so the two of you can meet up after primping for a nice dinner, sans baby.

Family Photo Shoot

Surprise your wife by booking a professional photographer to capture her First Mother’s day with a family shoot. Make sure your wife will feel like both she and your home are camera ready. Sometimes the best picture are the ones that capture genuine moments between you, your wife and the little child.